Comic relief...

[Salida]

The Football Club a guy supports determines his attitude towards relationships.

Arsenal: He loves young & cheap girls, freaks out as the girl's taste gets higher. He's afraid of incurring expenses.

Chelsea: He has no real emotions or love though he buys d best of things for you & takes you to good places.

Manchester United: Marriage is all he wants, no Cinemas, no Shoprite, no KFC! He wants a wife material at no extra cost.

Man City: He's the richest Yahoo guy in town. Hope u get to date him because,though he's younger, he has the cash!

Liverpool: He has no swag, he only has record of dating pretty gals in d past & that's what he keeps telling u.

Barca: A fine guy with swag, will do anything for you especially if you are a tall lady!

Eyimba: He has no money for now. He's hard working, if only u may endure.

[cashrules]

Originally Posted by salida

the football club a guy supports determines his attitude towards relationships.:d:d:d

arsenal: He loves young & cheap girls, freaks out as the girl's taste gets higher. He's afraid of incurring expenses.

Chelsea: He has no real emotions or love though he buys d best of things for you & takes you to good places.

Manchester united: Marriage is all he wants, no cinemas, no shoprite, no kfc! He wants a wife material at no extra cost.

Man city: He's the richest yahoo guy in town. Hope u get to date him because,though he's younger, he has the cash!

Liverpool: He has no swag, he only has record of dating pretty gals in d past & that's what he keeps telling u.

Barca: A fine guy with swag, will do anything for you especially if you are a tall lady!

Eyimba: He has no money for now. He's hard working, if only u may endure.

:d:d:d

lol.....abeg how about real madrid fans?

[Salida]

A beautiful girl was giving a pedicure to a man who is also getting a shave at a salon. The man says "what about a date later?” "Am married" she replied. The man said: "So? Call your husband and tell him you are going to visit a girlfriend" She said "you should tell him yourself, he is shaving you"

[Salida]

An American, an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, "Drop anything in the sea; if I find it I will eat u, If I can't, I will be ur slave!" The American dropped a pin; the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin; the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said: "Na today? Find am.

[halfbread]

Originally Posted by Salida

An American, an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, "Drop anything in the sea; if I find it I will eat u, If I can't, I will be ur slave!" The American dropped a pin; the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin; the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said: "Na today? Find am.

Niger no dey carry last now, worst na draw.

[knightofdelta]

Originally Posted by halfbread

Niger no dey carry last now, worst na draw.

No be the draw we do wey we not fit enter Nations Cup?

[Salida]

Status Check


Here's how to know your status in Lagos Traffic. If Street hawkers approach you to sell 5-alive, GSM accesories, DVDs, etc, know that you are projecting a well-fed or well made image.

However, If hawkers approach you with offers of rat-poison.... Hmmm, road still far..

[Salida]

Economic Sense (MoneyCannotWaste)


All na the same.
You buy eggroll N150, I buy buns N15, boil
one egg N30, all na N45... #MoneyCannotWaste.

U buy 5-alive N300, I buy orange +mango+pineapple N80 naira..my
own get natural nutrient.. #MoneyCannotWaste.

... NEPA cut your light, U pay N2000 sharp
sharp, I wait, call electrician for nite for N200 fix my wire back. #MoneyCannotWaste.

U buy milo, milk and sugar, I buy cowbell chocolate which already contains every...#MoneyCannotWaste

U pay 5k go watch MI for show, I buy him CD N100, stay room play and sing along #MoneyCannotWaste

U dey chop pop corn of N1000 for Cinema and I dey chop guguru & epa of N20 for house dey watch tv..shey our mouth dey move, movie dey show go! #MoneyCannotWaste

U buy Red bull N300 to become active, I buy paraga N20, Am
super active... mtcheww §#MoneyCannotWaste

U buy rosé (red wine), I buy zobo and add squaddy, all ną red wine...
#MoneyCannotWaste


U fix 100k Brazilian hair, I buy N100 xpression attachment, I fine pass you...n guys don't know d difference #MoneyCannotWaste

U go club for VI, buy hennesey of 40k, Me go one joint, buy alomo N200..all na highness #MoneyCannotWaste

U pay N50 to watch match in a viewing centre, I stand outside to watch d match all na d same.. #MoneyCannotWaste...

You buy BB torch 95k, I buy storm 15k, shey all of us dey
ping? Mtchewww..
Abeg Abeg!!!! I no fit shout!!!!
All na de same

[Salida]

DRUNKEN HUSBAND AND HIS WIFE:

Husband: "My dear, its like the toilet is now automatic!"

Wife: "What happened?"

Hubby:"When I opened the door, the... light came on, and after I urinated, I closed the door and the light went off!"

Wife:"Idiot...!!! you have gone to urinate in the FRIDGE again

[hispy99]

Originally Posted by Salida

DRUNKEN HUSBAND AND HIS WIFE:

Husband: "My dear, its like the toilet is now automatic!"

Wife: "What happened?"

Hubby:"When I opened the door, the... light came on, and after I urinated, I closed the door and the light went off!"

Wife:"Idiot...!!! you have gone to urinate in the FRIDGE again

I hop not inside the soup

[Oracle]

Originally Posted by Salida

DRUNKEN HUSBAND AND HIS WIFE:

Husband: "My dear, its like the toilet is now automatic!"

Wife: "What happened?"

Hubby:"When I opened the door, the... light came on, and after I urinated, I closed the door and the light went off!"

Wife:"Idiot...!!! you have gone to urinate in the FRIDGE again

I couldn't stop laughing!

Thank God say the man no go sleep inside the fridge!

[saheewale]

Hurry, Take Advantage Of This Father Christmas Government: Terms And Conditions Apply | Sahara Reporters

[Salida]

The Nigeria Government recently announced to pay men with 5 children a 1million Naira monthly salary. A man heard the news and said to his wife, Eunice i have a kid with my girlfriend, i am going to bring him so we add him to our 4 kids to make 5. When he came back he saw only one of his kids remaining.
He asked where are the others? His wife replied, U ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARD THE NEWS, THEIR FATHERS HAVE COME FOR THEM

[Salida]

BREAKING NEWS:President Goodluck Jonathan to honour his wife, the 1st lady Dame Patience Jonathan with the award of GCFR: (Grammar Commander of the Federal Republic).


Sources say this is due to the immense contributions of the 1st lady to spoken English in Naija.Another reason for this award according to Presido JONA is that the 1st lady has affected a lot of lives positively with her humorous speeches which make Nigerians laugh and forget their sorrows.

This according to Presido JONA has increased the lifespan of the average Nigerian.....examples of such laughter dose includes: ''Nigeria is a great continent'', ''Dey have kill their parents and make all these children widows'', ''I rather kill myself than commit suicide'', '' For those who said i speech bad english, i left dem for God'', ''i am miss Jonathan and her's first lady"

[Salida]

Obama pardons turkeys

Obama pardons turkeys - CBS News Video

Happy Thanksgiving!!

[Salida]

A rapist entered the bedroom, tied up husband & wife , kissed wife's ear & went to the bathroom.
Husband: Satisfy him or he will kill us so be strong I LOVE YOU.

Wife: He didn't kiss me. He whispered in my ear that he is gay and that he needs some vaseline & I told him it's in the bathroom , so be strong I LOVE U TOO.

[Picolena66]

hmmm...............All u Hot Bloodied Nigerian males out there it seems like Goods times are to be had in Zimbabwe ooo..........But do watch out and make sure u go in numbers sha.....

BBC News - Zimbabwe women accused of raping men 'for rituals'

[horlads]

I made a phone call to one of the applicants for the post of an accountant at our firm; his Caller tune was "I Go Chop Your Dollar".....

[pegheneji]

Originally Posted by horlads

I made a phone call to one of the applicants for the post of an accountant at our firm; his Caller tune was "I Go Chop Your Dollar".....

bros, u dey fear!

[bivins1]

Mike was dying of an un-known illness. His wife sat at the bedside comforting him. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, and your best friend!" "I know, I know," she replied."Now just rest and let the poison work"