Comic relief...

[Waves]

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don' t have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, would you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.


Don't Mess With Old Ladies

[Michael]

Subject: Men And Women Are Not Alike


Admitting Mistakes:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.
Bathrooms:
A man has six items in his bathroom — a toothbrush, toothpastem, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items and what they are used for.
Cameras:
Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4000 for state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics, and often produce better-looking shots.
Cheerleaders:
Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American. Male cheerleaders are scary.
Comedy:
Let’s say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man’s favorite Stooge. The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.
Conversation:
Men need a good disagreement to get talking, e.g., “Wow, great movie.”, “What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size.”, “Well, maybe he got it because he knew about those Mafia guys”, etc. Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable “That garden by the roadside looks lovely.” “Mmhmm.” Pause. “That was a good restaurant last night, wasn’t it?” “Yeah.” Pause. And so on.
Directions:
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. A man will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there,” and, “I know I’m in the neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store.”
Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail… A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals. Women dress up, not to be attractive to men, but so they will be noticed by other women. Ask a man what color dress a woman wore last night. He won’t remember.
Eating Out:
When the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
Friends:
Women on a girls’ night out talk the whole time. Men on a boys’ night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are “Pass the Doritos” or “Got any more beer?”
Garages:
Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless wooden things in garages.
Getting Ready To Go Out:
Women will try on several outfits to make sure they are the right color. Men smell their clothes before putting them on.
Going Out:
When a man says he’s ready to go out, it means he’s ready to go out. When a woman says she’s ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup…
Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane. A woman will buy enough food for a week. A man will buy enough food for less than a day.
Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
Hemlines:
A man will remember how short a woman’s dress was, for years. A woman will remember what color it was.
Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic. Men would wear earrings if they could remember “is it the left ear that means you’re gay and the right ear that means you are heterosexual, or…”
Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.
Low Blows:
Let’s say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television, and one of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says “Oh, gee, that must hurt.” The man doubles over and actually feels pain.
Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out. A woman is fully capable of running a family or holding a job at age 18. Men start growing up sometime after age 40.
Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car and a mistress half his age.
Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface – mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola’s head…
Movies:
For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in “Gone With The Wind.” For men, it’s when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark’s face in “Public Enemy.”
Mustaches:
Some men look good with mustaches: Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.
Nicknames:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like “Ultimate Pecs” and “Big Turk,” women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, and Jack go out for a brewski, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Peanut-Brain, and Useless.
Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. A man has to be reminded of his kids’ birthdays.
Plants:
A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man will water the plants. The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
Restrooms:
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. Women who’ve never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends.
Shoes:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
Sport Arenas:
Simply put, men can always find their way around stadiums and arenas. The women usually end up following men.
The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Time:
When a woman says she’ll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she’s using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football games’s just got five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.
Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of mens toys: miniature TV’s, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, and anything that blinks, beeps and requires at least six “D” batteries to operate.

[blanka]

Originally Posted by Waves

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don' t have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, would you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.


Don't Mess With Old Ladies

Good one! I like.

[amajike]

A Policeman was once arrayed in court for forcefully collecting #20 from an Okada rider.
In the Stand ready to give his defence, everyone suddenly became quiet as the following unfolded:

Policeman: Please can anyone hand me a twenty naira note? Now!
His wife decoding what was about to happen rushed and did so

Policeman: Everyone look at this note!
He then turned to the judge...
Policeman: Whose image do you have on this note?
Judge: A man in uniform, Murtala Muhammed to be precise.
Policeman: Then Iam justified! Havent you heard? Give to Caeser what belongs to Caeser!

[Michael]

AFFAIRS

First Affair
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had s$X all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?' The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'Not this time!'

The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase,and took it home.
'I have something to show you that you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'

The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,' she said, 'pretend you're a statue.' 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied, 'the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.' No more was said,not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths' and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.''One cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied. 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.' The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted,'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.'

[hispy99]

Originally Posted by Michael

AFFAIRS


The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase,and took it home.
'I have something to show you that you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'

The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted,'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.'

the 3rd and 6th were very good

[Michael]

Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven.
But then again, so is thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say,
Talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least a 100 grand!

Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said .
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.
That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.

Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.


BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and

threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled, 'It really works!'

[blanka]

Originally Posted by Michael

AFFAIRS

First Affair
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had s$X all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?' The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'Not this time!'

The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase,and took it home.
'I have something to show you that you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'

The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,' she said, 'pretend you're a statue.' 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied, 'the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.' No more was said,not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths' and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.''One cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied. 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.' The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted,'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.'

Now this is what I'm talking about! The 3rd for me is soooo hilarious. Hahahaha...

[123.rado]

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues. ENJOY IT

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and taken into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[c kenneths]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A group of Catholic Priests were due to play a group of Anglican Pastors in an important inter-faith game.
A few days before the match, disaster struck.
The Catholic team's star player broke his ankle and the doctor said he wouldn't be able to play again for at least two months.

"What are we going to do? moaned Father Matthew.

"Well," said Father Thomas, "it so happens that Christiano Ronaldo is a good friend of mine.
We could ask him to play for us."

"But that wouldn't be fair" said Father Matthew.

"No, but if we called him Father Ronaldo, no one need know," replied Father Thomas.

Eventually Father Matthew agreed to let this devious plan go ahead but then, as luck would have it,
he was suddenly called away on official Church business and was unable to watch the match.
As soon as he could, he phoned Father Thomas for the result.

"I'm afraid they beat us, 6-0," said Father Thomas.

"But how could that happen?" queried Father Matthew. "We had Father Ronaldo in our team."

"Yes," said Father Thomas, "but they had Pastor Rooney, Pastor Messi, Pastor Drogba and Pastor Lampard playing for them."

[c kenneths]

He who fights & runs away , Na fear catch am.

2. Pikin wey no sabi em mama boyfriend, Dey call am brother.

3. A rolling stone no just dey roll, Na person push am.

4. He who lives in a glass house, Na im pepe rest.

5. A stitch intime, dey prevent further tear tear.

6. Birds of d same feather, na d same mama born dem.

7. One good turn, na correct power steering be that.

8. A bird in hand, wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque.

9. Half bread, is better than buns or puff puff.

10. D journey of a thousand miles, Ol’ boy e beta make u carry your car go enter aeroplane.

11. The patient dog, Na hunger go kill am.

12. All work & no play, Na Banker be dat.

13. He who laughs last, na mumu, y im no catch d joke d 1st time & laugh when others dey laff!!

[Michael]

>
>
>
> Subject: Is this the........State of Our Nation
>
>
> Take a minute and
> spare a thought for the decaying
> society with the loss of an important friend and role
> model. Read on ………………….
>
>
>
>
>
> Subject:
> An Obituary printed in the London Times - not a joke and
> makes you think
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Today we
> mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common
> Sense, who has been with us for many years.
>
>
>
> No
> one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth
> records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
> will be remembered as
> having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
>
>
>
>
>
> Knowing
> when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets
> the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my
> fault.
>
>
>
>
>
> Common
> Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't
> spend
>
>
>
>
>
> more than
> you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not
> children, are in charge).
>
>
>
>
>
> His
> health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned
> but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a
> 6-year-old boy
> charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
> teens suspended
>
>
>
>
>
> from
> school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired
> for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his
> condition.
>
>
>
>
>
> Common
> Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for
> doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in
> disciplining their
> unruly children.
>
>
>
>
>
> It
> declined even further when schools were required to get
> parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to
> a student; but could
> not inform parents when a student became pregnant and
> wanted to have an
>
>
>
>
>
> abortion.
>
>
>
>
>
> Common
> Sense lost the will to live as the churches became
> businesses;
> and criminals received better treatment than their
> victims.
>
>
>
>
>
> Common
> Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself
> from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue
> you for assault.
>
>
>
>
>
> Common
> Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman
> failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.
> She spilled a little
> in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge
> settlement.
>
>
>
>
>
> Common
> Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and
> Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter,
> Responsibility, and by his
> son, Reason.
>
>
>
>
>
> He is
> survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
>
>
>
>
>
> I Know My
> Rights
>
>
>
>
>
> I Want It
> Now
>
>
>
>
>
> Someone
> Else Is To Blame
>
>
>
>
>
> I'm A
> Victim
>
>
>
>
>
> Not many
> attended his funeral because so few realized he was
> gone.
>
>
>
>
>
> If you
> still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the
> majority and do nothing.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

[amajike]

A mother asks her child

Mother: Okey 5+5 is what?

okey:+$%^&"!! emmm 15

Mother: you mean you dont know this? when I was your age I always came first! say the answer or...

Okeytrembling) ehhh emmm 13

Mother: no food for you tonight!

Father had been sitting near listening to his radio

Father: Mama okey take it easy, why not tell him the answer, I bet you may not even know it, if you do prove it

Mother: why are you trying me, is it not 55

Father: You got it! I was thinking you didnt know it.


Its amazing how all our parents used to come first in their class

[ayemco]

I bought this fish in Niger on my holiday last december. 5 of us could not finish it. 5000 naira

[Monwowo]

Originally Posted by ayemco

I bought this fish in Niger on my holiday last december. 5 of us could not finish it. 5000 naira

is this also a joke?

[123.rado]

Never do a good deed in Glasgow. Enjoy.

[waaan5]

The only thing the experts seem to agree on the direction of the Yardua Adminstiration is that Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex

Enjoy the youtube vid.

YouTube - Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex

[ayemco]

Originally Posted by waaan5

The only thing the experts seem to agree on the direction of the Yardua Adminstiration is that Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex

Enjoy the youtube vid.

YouTube - Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex

Waaaan5 I beg clear your PM in box message to you no gree go

[babe!]

hoping you've not read this somewhere else or that it makes u laugh all the same.

Every Sunday 3 boys would go to church and
confess. So the first boy, soludo, went up to the priest.
The priest says "What have you done bad in your
life son".

The boy responds with "I've swore to my mother."

The priest says" take one sip of holy water."

The second boy, dangote, goes up to the priest and the
priest says, "What have you done bad in your
life son?"

The boy responds with "I've stolen something".

The priest says take two sips of holy water.
After every sip the third boy, sanusi, is laughing his
head off.

So the third boy,sanusi, goes up to the priest and the
priest says, "What have you done bad in your
life son"

The boy responds with, "I pissed in the holy
water."

[twentypercent]

Originally Posted by waaan5

The only thing the experts seem to agree on the direction of the Yardua Adminstiration is that Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex

Enjoy the youtube vid.

YouTube - Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex

waaan5, i just watched the post and it is certain that the panelists do not even know what they were talking about...confusing Nigeria with Niger and IBB with OBJ.

They were clearly not 'in the know'