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  #941 (permalink)  
Old 13th January 2014, 11:53 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Man Sues Close-up For Toothpaste Not Landing Him Girlfriends As Advertised | NewsRescue.com

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  #942 (permalink)  
Old 13th January 2014, 12:09 PM
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I dey sure say this man must be Oracle .

Make we wait for the result of this case as me sef dey use Close-UP ..... ...... ......
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  #943 (permalink)  
Old 13th January 2014, 04:03 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gengen View Post
I dey sure say this man must be Oracle .

Make we wait for the result of this case as me sef dey use Close-UP ..... ...... ......
hehehe...I concur
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  #944 (permalink)  
Old 15th January 2014, 03:15 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Patrick Obahiagbon on Yaya Toure, Mikel & Glo CAF Awards:
"I am maniacally bewildered, overgassted and flabberwhelmed at the paraplegic crinkum crankum that characterised the Glo CAF awards culminating in an od oriferous saga cum gargantuan gaga! The jiggery pokery of CAF in crowning Yaya Toure instead of our very own prodigy John Obi Mikel is a veritable bugaboo that must be pooh-poohed by all compos mentis homo sapiens! The perfidy and Mendacity of all the apparatchic of sports suzerainty is not only repugnant but also insalubrious!

I said to my self: What an anathematous disdain of the citizenry! What a deprecable descent from the sublime to the ridiculous! Who will curb the odoriferous excesses of this machavellian and mephistophelean cabal in the Confederation? With this state of affairs, i dare say that African football is swimming in a pestilential aqua with a disastrious terminus ad quem inherently laden with avoidable cataracts, ice bergs and oxbow Lakes. It is sardonic and lugubrious!!!"

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  #945 (permalink)  
Old 23rd January 2014, 08:46 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: No!
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates daughter.
Son: Then OK

Dad goes to Bill Gates

Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No!
Dad: My son is CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then OK

Dad Goes to the President of the World Bank

Dad: Appoint my son as CEO
President: No!
Dad: He is son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK

This is BUSINESS...for all of you that did not know
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  #946 (permalink)  
Old 23rd January 2014, 09:14 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by hispy99 View Post
Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: No!
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates daughter.
Son: Then OK

Dad goes to Bill Gates

Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No!
Dad: My son is CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then OK

Dad Goes to the President of the World Bank

Dad: Appoint my son as CEO
President: No!
Dad: He is son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK

This is BUSINESS...for all of you that did not know
Excellent. Brains at work
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  #947 (permalink)  
Old 23rd January 2014, 10:56 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by hispy99 View Post
Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: No!
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates daughter.
Son: Then OK

Dad goes to Bill Gates

Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No!
Dad: My son is CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then OK

Dad Goes to the President of the World Bank

Dad: Appoint my son as CEO
President: No!
Dad: He is son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK

This is BUSINESS...for all of you that did not know
Hmmmm..................Interesting!!!

The do say the Art of Good Business is the Ability to Bring People Together
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  #948 (permalink)  
Old 24th January 2014, 06:07 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

• You collect babe number you use 'chick' store am. Her mama na fowl ?

• U buy suya ,your woman chop all the meat finish you come dey smile dey chop the onion, u be vegetarian?

• U dey wit your guy , dey recieve different kinds of phone calls every 5 min, yet you dey claim say you no dey cheat on am...My sista, you be MTN customer care agent?

• U ask a girl wetin she want from you and she asked for money and you come dey vex...you dey expect make she ask for wisdom and understanding? She be Solomon?

• U dey carry your girlfriend go club, wen you don marry her finish, you dey expect make she stop clubbing, My broda are you a learner?

• Ur girlfriend dumps you for a rich man you say she be gold digger, but your sister do the same to anoda guy,you give testimony for Church Say na Divine intervention. . Bros park well!

• You get F9 parallel for WAEC, still you dey ask for Brazilian Hair of N150.000 .Abeg where you wan fix am?, on top that coconut head?

• U get tribal marks, stretch marks full your body yet you want tattoo...ah ah! my friend you be zebra?

• U are 6 feet tall, you still come wear 6 inches high heeled shoe...
shey you wan whisper to God?

• U dey snap inside different types of cars yet you expect youur man to believe you no dey cheat.....babe you be mechanic?

• U gather different girls' picture for your phone and you expect your gal to believe you dey faithful....uncle, you be photographer?

• He gave you an engagement for over five years, he Never marry you.....
my dear you be lord of the rings?

•You dey pay your babe wey dey university school fees and yet you never write JAMB,you be Scholarship board?

•U are 18yrs and your sugar daddy is 70yrs old and you stil dey call him 'BABY', my sister na your ANCESTOR?

•Your babe is eating ice cream...you're drinking pure water... please my guy Are you diabetic?

•U claim say you dey do fasting and prayer but you come vomit fufu and egusi soup. Omo you be magician?
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  #949 (permalink)  
Old 25th January 2014, 08:16 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

I salute This Kid ! Natural Bodybuilding - YouTube

Awesome!!
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  #950 (permalink)  
Old 26th January 2014, 01:06 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Husband and Wife

WIFE: Is that Saint Obi?
HUSBAND: No. He is Mikel Obi, Saint Obi is a Nollywood Actor.
WIFE: Mikel Obi is smart. He should be in Nollywood movies like his brother.
HUSBAND: He does not have a Nollywood actor brother.
WIFE: See Another Goal in less than a minute.
HUSBAND: No. It is called action replay.
WIFE: Looks like Enyimba is going to win this match.
HUSBAND: It is not Enyimba. It is Man U vs Chelsea.
WIFE: Why is the umpire calling for a Firing Squad.
HUSBAND: He is called a centre referee and he is not calling for a firing Squad. It's a free Kick.
WIFE: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a Free Kick?
HUSBAND: (Mute, not uttering a word)
WIFE: Now is the centre umpire talking to his wife on the phone?
HUSBAND: No, he is communicating with his linesman.
WIFE: Why is he showing only red and yellow cards? Is there not any Blue card or something?

Frustrated husband turns off the TV. Wife turns it on and watches "African Magic".

HUSBAND: Who is this Mercy Johnson?
WIFE: Listen to what they are saying and Don't disturb..

Culled from AY's Blog
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  #951 (permalink)  
Old 26th January 2014, 01:12 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salida View Post
Husband and Wife

WIFE: Is that Saint Obi?
HUSBAND: No. He is Mikel Obi, Saint Obi is a Nollywood Actor.
......
Frustrated husband turns off the TV. Wife turns it on and watches "African Magic".

HUSBAND: Who is this Mercy Johnson?
WIFE: Listen to what they are saying and Don't disturb..

Culled from AY's Blog
Is the wife not smarter?
However, if the husband tries same method (by saying watch and don't disturb), wahala go dey for house !!!
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  #952 (permalink)  
Old 26th January 2014, 03:30 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

FUNNY YORUBA INTERPRETER

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ5E...e_gdata_player
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  #953 (permalink)  
Old 26th January 2014, 06:33 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gengen View Post
Is the wife not smarter?
However, if the husband tries same method (by saying watch and don't disturb), wahala go dey for house !!!
na garri and epa he go chop for the next 1 week
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  #954 (permalink)  
Old 7th February 2014, 03:29 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

A doctor wrote on his clinic signboard, "Any treatment is $500 and if we cannot treat you, we will pay you $1000."

Wanting the $1000 for himself, A guy named Akpos came to the doctor and said, "I can't feel any taste.

The doctor asked a nurse to give Akpos a few drops of medicine from box 22.

Upon taking the drops, Akpos shouted, "Oh stop! It is urine!"

The doctor said, "Congratulations, your sense of taste is back now."

Akpos, was very angry that he lost $500. He came back 2 weeks later determined to get $1000.

The following conversation took place between Akpos and the doctor:

AKPOS: I lost my memory.
DOCTOR: Nurse! Please give this man some drops of medicine from box 22.
AKPOS: Wait doctor! But that medicine is for sense of taste.
DOCTOR: Congratulations, your memory is back!
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  #955 (permalink)  
Old 7th February 2014, 04:56 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salida View Post
A doctor wrote on his clinic signboard, "Any treatment is $500 and if we cannot treat you, we will pay you $1000."

Wanting the $1000 for himself, A guy named Akpos came to the doctor and said, "I can't feel any taste.

The doctor asked a nurse to give Akpos a few drops of medicine from box 22.

Upon taking the drops, Akpos shouted, "Oh stop! It is urine!"

The doctor said, "Congratulations, your sense of taste is back now."

Akpos, was very angry that he lost $500. He came back 2 weeks later determined to get $1000.

The following conversation took place between Akpos and the doctor:

AKPOS: I lost my memory.
DOCTOR: Nurse! Please give this man some drops of medicine from box 22.
AKPOS: Wait doctor! But that medicine is for sense of taste.
DOCTOR: Congratulations, your memory is back!
hehehehe..pele Akpos
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  #956 (permalink)  
Old 20th February 2014, 02:22 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

A reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here.
I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.
You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.
My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who don’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty

A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.
My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty" and “money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year.
Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position".
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased".
Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

signed,
J.P. Morgan CEO


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  #957 (permalink)  
Old 21st February 2014, 07:43 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Girl: Dad, I’m in love with a boy far away from me. I am in Ghana and he lives in the UK. We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had long chats on watsapp, proposed to each other on skype, and now we’ve had two months of relationship through viber. I need your blessing and good wishes daddy.

Dad: Wow! Really!! Then get married on twitter, have fun on tango. Buy kids on e-bay, send them through to us via gmail. And if you are fed up with your husband….sell him on Amazon. Nonsense generation!!!!!
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  #958 (permalink)  
Old 27th February 2014, 07:17 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Bovi: Maga don pay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xvot-KrsNf4

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  #959 (permalink)  
Old 20th March 2014, 08:57 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Hummm!!!
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Old 21st March 2014, 07:02 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by shams_dos View Post
Hummm!!!
After heavy gbegiri and ewedu, Akpu and garri what do you expect?
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