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  #1001 (permalink)  
Old 30th September 2014, 07:52 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v...type=2&theater
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  #1002 (permalink)  
Old 7th October 2014, 07:16 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

12 Types Of Students You Will Meet In Night Classes

The following are the different categories of people you will meet in night classes in our various higher institution.

1. Customer care agents: This category of people will keep on receiving calls from the time they came to class till they sleep off. If you sit beside them "sorry" and it is more among ladies.

2. The lookers: This category of people will make sure that they look at any slightest movement around them. If they ever see a beautiful/handsome girl/guy then they will never cease catching a glimpse at her/him. You will even wonder if these people actually came to study or to observe others study.

3. The late comers: This is common among girls. When you get to class from 4-7pm, you will discover that the class is empty. They are waiting till 9:30 when their presence will be noticed.

4. The preachers: I am sure this set of people annoy every reader in that class but nobody could pick the courage to rebuke them because nobody wants to be tagged enemy of God's word. The worst part is that these preachers come to preach when they are tired of reading and want to stretch themselves.

5. The itinerant readers: They are people who move in and out of the reading room every ten minutes. Sometimes you see them walking about the corridors. In an extreme cases they can read in four to six classes in a night.

6. The unarmed robbers: Yes I call them unarmed because they look very innocent when they are reading beside you waiting for the operation time. They steal things like phones, reading lamp, purse/wallet, laptops, wrist-watches, textbooks etc depending on the person's level of expertise and stealing intentions.

7. The chronic sleepers. Hmmm, this set of people will just enter the class and lay their face on the desk and sleep off. They will not open their book from the time they came in till the time they left. They are always victims of the category of people above. The bad thing about these set of people is that they snore without regards and they fart without conscience.

8. The ash-crammers: They are our first classers, they will start reading from the time they came in till dawn. Sometimes i wonder what they will be doing during the day.

9. The eaters: They will buy biscuit, viju milk, la casera, gala, chewing gum, infact all the snacks in the world just to attend night class. You will wonder if you are in nursery class or university night class.

10. The pingers :This set of people will never let their phones be. Some will even come with up to three phone. Pressing their phone every now and then that you will wonder if they are actually studying or proof-reading.

11. The toasters: If i mention everything without mentioning our guys and babes who come to night class to look for partners then my list is incomplete. This is for people who are single and searching every night.

12. The last of it all is the couples: They will come to class together, continue talking, chatting and touching each other until they are tired then off they go. They have gone to night class noni.

Hehehehehe...Sir Migiets abeg make una helep me add your own jare as you be chief for night classes..
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  #1003 (permalink)  
Old 7th October 2014, 05:02 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salida View Post
12 Types Of Students You Will Meet In Night Classes

The following are the different categories of people you will meet in night classes in our various higher institution.

1. Customer care agents: This category of people will keep on receiving calls from the time they came to class till they sleep off. If you sit beside them "sorry" and it is more among ladies.

2. The lookers: This category of people will make sure that they look at any slightest movement around them. If they ever see a beautiful/handsome girl/guy then they will never cease catching a glimpse at her/him. You will even wonder if these people actually came to study or to observe others study.

3. The late comers: This is common among girls. When you get to class from 4-7pm, you will discover that the class is empty. They are waiting till 9:30 when their presence will be noticed.

4. The preachers: I am sure this set of people annoy every reader in that class but nobody could pick the courage to rebuke them because nobody wants to be tagged enemy of God's word. The worst part is that these preachers come to preach when they are tired of reading and want to stretch themselves.

5. The itinerant readers: They are people who move in and out of the reading room every ten minutes. Sometimes you see them walking about the corridors. In an extreme cases they can read in four to six classes in a night.

6. The unarmed robbers: Yes I call them unarmed because they look very innocent when they are reading beside you waiting for the operation time. They steal things like phones, reading lamp, purse/wallet, laptops, wrist-watches, textbooks etc depending on the person's level of expertise and stealing intentions.

7. The chronic sleepers. Hmmm, this set of people will just enter the class and lay their face on the desk and sleep off. They will not open their book from the time they came in till the time they left. They are always victims of the category of people above. The bad thing about these set of people is that they snore without regards and they fart without conscience.

8. The ash-crammers: They are our first classers, they will start reading from the time they came in till dawn. Sometimes i wonder what they will be doing during the day.

9. The eaters: They will buy biscuit, viju milk, la casera, gala, chewing gum, infact all the snacks in the world just to attend night class. You will wonder if you are in nursery class or university night class.

10. The pingers :This set of people will never let their phones be. Some will even come with up to three phone. Pressing their phone every now and then that you will wonder if they are actually studying or proof-reading.

11. The toasters: If i mention everything without mentioning our guys and babes who come to night class to look for partners then my list is incomplete. This is for people who are single and searching every night.

12. The last of it all is the couples: They will come to class together, continue talking, chatting and touching each other until they are tired then off they go. They have gone to night class noni.

Hehehehehe...Sir Migiets abeg make una helep me add your own jare as you be chief for night classes..
Me, i belong to the NFAs( No Future Ambition).
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  #1004 (permalink)  
Old 17th October 2014, 02:06 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Two Cows -by Matthias Varga


SOCIALISM

-You have 2 cows.

-You give one to your neighbor

COMMUNISM

-You have 2 cows.

-The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM

-You have 2 cows.

-The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM

-You have 2 cows.

-The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM

-You have 2 cows.

-The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

-You have two cows.

-You sell one and buy a bull.

-Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

-You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

-You have two cows.

-You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

-The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

-The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with he release.

-The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM

-You have two giraffes.

-The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

-You have two cows.

-You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

-Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION

-You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.

-You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

-You have two cows.

-You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

-You have two cows.

-You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

-You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

-You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.

-You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

-You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

-You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

-You have two cows.

-You have 300 people milking them.

-You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

-You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

-You have two cows.

-You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

-You have two cows.

-Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

-Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

-You tell them that you have none.

-No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

-You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

-You have two cows.

-Business seems pretty good.

-You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

-You have two cows.

-The one on the left looks very attractive…

Attached Images
File Type: jpg Two Cows.jpg (25.7 KB, 0 views)
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  #1005 (permalink)  
Old 21st October 2014, 06:49 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Hunting gone wrong

Mr Obot decided to follow his friend Osas on a hunting trip deep in the forest of Okomu reserve in Iguobazuwa.
Mr Obot has never gone hunting while Osas has hunted all his life. When they got to the middle of the forest, Osas told Mr Obot to sit by a tree and not make a sound while he checks out an antelope trail.
After he got about a quarter of a mile away, Osas heard a blood-curling scream which scared away a nearby antelope.
He rushed back to Mr Obot and yelled; "I think I tell you say make you quiet?"
Mr Obot replied : "Shoo, I try o, I really try.
When green snake waka pass my leg I nor shake body or make peem sound.
When gorilla come dey breath hot and smelly smelly air for my face, I nor
shake body or make shekele sound.
But when two squirrel waka enter my trouser leg, one come tell the other one say, "Chei, see as this two palm kernels big like coconut, we nor go fit chop dem finish for here, so make we pluck and carry dem go home", na im I come start to halla!!!"
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  #1006 (permalink)  
Old 22nd October 2014, 06:48 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Six Types of People You Meet In the Banking Hall

1 - The Pen Borrowers: They are always in the bank, common pen they won't have. These people are very dangerous, once you borrow them the pen, you may find it difficult to identify them.At a bank in Nigeria, once someone tells you "may I have your pen?" Believe me bros, that's the last time you will see that pen (except if you're
lucky).

2 - The "I dey ur Back" Team: Immediately they enter the bank, even before taking the slip (withdrawal or deposit) all they do is to know the last person and you hear them saying, I'm at your back. If care is not taken, about 8 people can tell u "I dey ur back" then at the end of the day, they cause confusion (na me dey hin back,I don tell am I was here before you blah blah)

3 - The No protocol team: This kind of people don't obey the 1st come, 1st served slogan! They're mouthed in the bank! Immediately they come in, they just walk up to the cashier or manager, he asks them to sit down & within 5mins they've completed there transactions while you still dey there looking like mumu for queue.
(Daris Godu oooo)

4 - The Bank Door rejectees: These people will always have a problem with the bank door, then you see them removing their belts, car keys,mobile phones etc and yet the machine keeps shouting "please go back" My bros next time come to the bank naked! Biko, e go allow you in... #

5 - The slip wasters: These kind of people can waste slip for Nigeria! To fill the withdrawal slip or deposit slip na JAMB questions,you seec dem
cancelling, tearing, squeezing & taking another one. To write common 3780 Naira in words na gobe. Even the so called undergraduates are found wanting in this scenario.................................CHAI!!!

6 - The people from Another Planet: These people usually behave like dem no dey this world since 2 yrs ago! They will always be asking for today's date, even after telling them the correct date,they will ask somepne else again. I tire for dis people
oooooo............

Please which number is yours in the above?
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  #1007 (permalink)  
Old 22nd October 2014, 10:00 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salida View Post
Six Types of People You Meet In the Banking Hall

1 - The Pen Borrowers: They are always in the bank, common pen they won't have. These people are very dangerous, once you borrow them the pen, you may find it difficult to identify them.At a bank in Nigeria, once someone tells you "may I have your pen?" Believe me bros, that's the last time you will see that pen (except if you're
lucky).

2 - The "I dey ur Back" Team: Immediately they enter the bank, even before taking the slip (withdrawal or deposit) all they do is to know the last person and you hear them saying, I'm at your back. If care is not taken, about 8 people can tell u "I dey ur back" then at the end of the day, they cause confusion (na me dey hin back,I don tell am I was here before you blah blah)

3 - The No protocol team: This kind of people don't obey the 1st come, 1st served slogan! They're mouthed in the bank! Immediately they come in, they just walk up to the cashier or manager, he asks them to sit down & within 5mins they've completed there transactions while you still dey there looking like mumu for queue.
(Daris Godu oooo)

4 - The Bank Door rejectees: These people will always have a problem with the bank door, then you see them removing their belts, car keys,mobile phones etc and yet the machine keeps shouting "please go back" My bros next time come to the bank naked! Biko, e go allow you in... #

5 - The slip wasters: These kind of people can waste slip for Nigeria! To fill the withdrawal slip or deposit slip na JAMB questions,you seec dem
cancelling, tearing, squeezing & taking another one. To write common 3780 Naira in words na gobe. Even the so called undergraduates are found wanting in this scenario.................................CHAI!!!

6 - The people from Another Planet: These people usually behave like dem no dey this world since 2 yrs ago! They will always be asking for today's date, even after telling them the correct date,they will ask somepne else again. I tire for dis people
oooooo............

Please which number is yours in the above?
None. #TeamCashLess.
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  #1008 (permalink)  
Old 22nd October 2014, 11:04 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salida View Post
Six Types of People You Meet In the Banking Hall

1 - The Pen Borrowers: They are always in the bank, common pen they won't have. These people are very dangerous, once you borrow them the pen, you may find it difficult to identify them.At a bank in Nigeria, once someone tells you "may I have your pen?" Believe me bros, that's the last time you will see that pen (except if you're
lucky).

2 - The "I dey ur Back" Team: Immediately they enter the bank, even before taking the slip (withdrawal or deposit) all they do is to know the last person and you hear them saying, I'm at your back. If care is not taken, about 8 people can tell u "I dey ur back" then at the end of the day, they cause confusion (na me dey hin back,I don tell am I was here before you blah blah)

3 - The No protocol team: This kind of people don't obey the 1st come, 1st served slogan! They're mouthed in the bank! Immediately they come in, they just walk up to the cashier or manager, he asks them to sit down & within 5mins they've completed there transactions while you still dey there looking like mumu for queue.
(Daris Godu oooo)

4 - The Bank Door rejectees: These people will always have a problem with the bank door, then you see them removing their belts, car keys,mobile phones etc and yet the machine keeps shouting "please go back" My bros next time come to the bank naked! Biko, e go allow you in... #

5 - The slip wasters: These kind of people can waste slip for Nigeria! To fill the withdrawal slip or deposit slip na JAMB questions,you seec dem
cancelling, tearing, squeezing & taking another one. To write common 3780 Naira in words na gobe. Even the so called undergraduates are found wanting in this scenario.................................CHAI!!!

6 - The people from Another Planet: These people usually behave like dem no dey this world since 2 yrs ago! They will always be asking for today's date, even after telling them the correct date,they will ask somepne else again. I tire for dis people
oooooo............

Please which number is yours in the above?
Definitely number 1. Come to think of it I've not owned a pen in over a year
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