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  #1041 (permalink)  
Old 5th May 2015, 09:22 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

From Yahoo APNewsBreak: Marine general chosen Joint Chiefs chairman


John 3 hours ago
11 ��

10 ��


"The Ballad of George W. Bush"

Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name Bush,
His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while he drove all about,
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is. Criminal record. Cover-up.

Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale,
He can't spell his name but they never let him fail.
He spends all his time hangin' out with student folk,
And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is. White gold. Nose candy.

The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam,
Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom."
Let the common people get maimed and scarred,
We'll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is. Country clubs. Nose candy.

Twenty years later George gets a little bored,
He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna be,"
So he called his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is. Falwell. Jesse Helms.

Come November 7, the election ran late,
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
"Don't let those colored folks get into the polls,"
So they put up barricades so they couldn't punch their holes.
Chads, that is. Duval County. Miami-Dade.

Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in,
Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
"Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation,
And that's how George finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is. Illegitimate. No moral authority.

THE BUSH/CHENEY HALLIBURTONS!!!



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  #1042 (permalink)  
Old 7th May 2015, 04:26 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

You guys just made my day
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  #1043 (permalink)  
Old 13th May 2015, 01:18 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Here's a little advice to all men who want long, happy marriages.

Create a working formula on decision making and because you are the man and the head of the house, take decisions on bigger issues whereas your wife decides on smaller issues. Do not interfere in each other's decisions.

Smaller issues like how many kids to have, the neighbourhood to live in, which car you should buy, how much money to save, who, when and where to visit, which sofa, cooker, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not, where to go for holidays, whose mum you should visit etc, etc, should be decided by your wife. Just agree to it.

Your decisions are only for very big issues like whether America should attack Iran, the uranium enrichment in North Korea, whether Britain should lift sanctions against Zimbabwe, how to fully exploit Africa's economic and intellectual potential, whether Cote d'Ivoire has its eyes on Ghana's oil, whether Arsenal needs to buy new players or change their coach, etc, etc.

Your wife will never object to any of these decisions and you will live happily!
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  #1044 (permalink)  
Old 25th May 2015, 02:47 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Fuel scarcity issue...

"Any bus stop #300", and mine is the 1st bus stop...I feel cheated... I'm dropping at the last bus stop..I'll trek back!.
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  #1045 (permalink)  
Old 27th May 2015, 09:56 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

ViDEO: Another definition of Nigerian Stock Exchange.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?sto...ef=fbwaexpcopy
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  #1046 (permalink)  
Old 5th June 2015, 04:49 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

This topic has been removed or hidden
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  #1047 (permalink)  
Old 14th June 2015, 09:36 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Hummm..
Attached Images
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  #1048 (permalink)  
Old 22nd June 2015, 11:24 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

See What A Final Year Student Sent To Us As A Job Application Letter

See What A Final Year Student Sent To Us As A Job Application Letter | News | SCHOOL | Myschool.com.ng

The person will be complaining that there are no jobs in Nigeria.
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  #1049 (permalink)  
Old 11th July 2015, 04:55 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

A guy attended a wedding. At the wedding reception there was a gathering of about 30 people. He sat at the front seat. Then a lady started sharing food. She started from the back and unfortunately, it didn't reach those at the front.

When her friends started sharing drinks, they started from the front but unfortunately, he had already changed his seat to the back. Again, the drink didn't reach him.

The guy was so furious and he stood up to take his leave but then he saw three ladies each with a big bowl.

This time, he tried to be wise by seating at the middle. To his uttermost surprise, one of the ladies started sharing from the front...and the second lady started distributing from the back. It was turkey meat. When it got to the middle where he was seated it got finished again.

Feeling so frustrated, he bent his head, not looking at any face... .. BUT then the third lady tapped him and stretched her bowl that he should pick.. he stretched his hand...

Guess what was in the bowl? **TOOTHPICK.**
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  #1050 (permalink)  
Old 13th August 2015, 04:47 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Show me your toasting skills...

In those days when toasting a babe after coming out from Additional Mathematics - Addico(now called Further Maths) class, we would say:

My Dear love, Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There, I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of the radius made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love for you is quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I will not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. Yours ever loving, Addico.

Culled and adapted
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  #1051 (permalink)  
Old 20th August 2015, 11:40 AM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

Dem say Boko Haram don poison beans after I buy half bag for house. From the one wey I cook, I give my dog, Bingo, make im first test am. 45mins later bingo still dey waka, dey jolly. Na im I come chop my own. After I don chop finish, my gateman run come tel me say bingo don die. hey! I run enter house begin drink full gallon of palm oil for my belle, chop 22 bitter kola wit 3 long bitter leaf stem, chop walnuts with the shell no time to crack, swallow moringa with aloe vera as treatment combo. Garlic and onions be like sweet for my mouth. I come dey sweat as if na oven be my bedroom. I dey think say my life don finish. I come outside. Na im gate man com they tell me say the driver wey kill bingo wan come beg me.

If na u, wetin u go do
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  #1052 (permalink)  
Old 24th August 2015, 05:20 PM
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Default Re: Comic relief...

The Igbo Man and the Lawyer

An Igbo engineer can't find a job so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside

'GET TREATMENT FOR NGN20k - IF NOT CURED GET BACK NGN100k.

A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn 100k and goes to the clinic...

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste"
Igbo man: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"
Lawyer: "Ugh..this is kerosene"
Igbo man: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me 20k"

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...

Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything"
Igbo man: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No.22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"

Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste"

Igbo man: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me 20k"

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back 100k.

Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak"

Igbo man: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this 100k"

Lawyer (staring at the cash): "But this is 20k, not 100k"

Igbo man: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored.Give me 20k"

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  #1053 (permalink)  
Old 26th August 2015, 06:42 PM
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BLUEMONEY will become famous soon enoughBLUEMONEY will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by shams_dos View Post
Here's a little advice to all men who want long, happy marriages.

Create a working formula on decision making and because you are the man and the head of the house, take decisions on bigger issues whereas your wife decides on smaller issues. Do not interfere in each other's decisions.

Smaller issues like how many kids to have, the neighbourhood to live in, which car you should buy, how much money to save, who, when and where to visit, which sofa, cooker, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not, where to go for holidays, whose mum you should visit etc, etc, should be decided by your wife. Just agree to it.

Your decisions are only for very big issues like whether America should attack Iran, the uranium enrichment in North Korea, whether Britain should lift sanctions against Zimbabwe, how to fully exploit Africa's economic and intellectual potential, whether Cote d'Ivoire has its eyes on Ghana's oil, whether Arsenal needs to buy new players or change their coach, etc, etc.

Your wife will never object to any of these decisions and you will live happily!


I think I feel this one.
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